Take The Red Pill

I’m lying here in the dark.

Where did my life go wrong?

No beating of my heart.

I took the blue pills frequently

I craved the end

Wish I could take the red pills

Bring me back again

I’m sorry for the sorrow, sorry for the tears

For all the pain I’ll cause you

in upcoming years

I swear, I never meant to ever let you down

I always thought that one day my luck’d turn around

You know when I was younger, learning how to walk?

Back when I was your little girl, learning to talk?

You taught me I was special and that I could do

Whatever in this world I set my mind to

I never came to see these things you spoke about

I gave this life my all, still couldn’t figure out

How to be myself, survive this ugly world

Love myself authentically when hate got hurled

They criticized:

My voice

My name

My skin

My hair

The friends I liked to keep

The kinds of clothes I’d wear

I never knew that being me was such a sin

That I would pay the price for never fitting in

I know you told me, “Let their words roll off your back.”

“They’re jealous of the gifts you have, the gifts they lack.”

But what good is intellect inside the head

of a tortured girl who finally gave up? Wound up dead?

I sincerely doubt they envy what I’ve now become

They fought to tear me down!

Mom, Dad, I think they’ve won!

But there is no more hiding all the tears I’d shed

Beneath the soggy pillows on top of my bed

So let me rest inside my coffin

Creamy white

And sleep off all the memories of this long fight

I’m lying here stiff and cold

I am now alone

Without a hand to hold

I took the blue pills frequently

I craved the end

Wish I could take the red pills

Bring me back again

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